This Set Is Worth The Wait

Sorry for the disappearance.

I've enjoyed people being so interested in "my situation," but putting "your situation" out there like that, especially when "that situation" is such an intimate and personal thing also provides reason for pause. So I did. Now I'm back.

Now that's over with, here's a little levity to lighten the mood. Did you know my two ladies downstairs can talk to each other? Here's a bit I overheard this morning:

V1 – hey, you up yet?
V2 – yeah, kind of, still a little groggy
V1 – I guess I could rest a little more also. Long night last night.
V2 – I'll say.
V1 – Hey, it looks like there's something on your lip…
V2 – really?
V1 – yeah
V2 – I'll try and have her rub it in an hour or so. I'm going back to sleep.
V1 - ok

and ... scene

Hey, I didn't say they were the most electrifying conversationalists, but they pass the time, and at least they're not as earnest as NPR. And I love them.

Relief... sort of

John called! Yay!

All of my freaking out was for nothing. Sort of. We have a date tomorrow night, which although it quiets one set of irrational worries, will probably start me freaking out for other stupid reasons (What do I wear? Do I have sex with him? In one hole? In both? Do I start teaching him tricks on how to get me off in both va-jay-jays?) I know I may sound like a complete neurotic, but I'm not, really. This is the outlet for all of my thoughts, I'm much more with it in real life.

Many of you commented on the fact that I am too attached to this guy after 1 and 1/2 dates. It's possible that I am. It's also a fact that he's the first guy who's kept calling in a while. It's easier not to put all your eggs in one basket (or, two baskets, if you're me) if you're dating/seeing multiple people. But I'm not. At least not yet.

In other news, I have decided to quit my job. I'll be giving notice on Monday. I have some money saved up, and worse comes to worse I have some bartending experience under my belt from my college days that I can put to use. I need to take some time off to think about what I want to do with my life aside from answering phones and writing about my genitals, and sitting at a desk being miserable is not going to help me find the answer. I was thinking about taking some time off to travel, maybe use some of my savings to buy a used car and spend some time driving around to different cities, visiting my friends... or maybe I can go to Europe and be a backpacker for a while. I never did that in college (or ever, really) and part of me thinks that I need to get out and experience the world so that I can more fully discover who I am aside from a girl with a vaginal septum.

I was thinking about what I said in my last post about my happiness being dependent on whether or not John called, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that basing your happiness on whether or not some guy calls is a pathetic way to go through life. I know that I'll never attract a guy who will love me for me if I can't be happy on my own-- whether or not the guy calls or I'm in a relationship. Sure, it's nice to have someone in your life, but when it comes down to it, you are the only person that you can count on for sure.

And now, to plan my outfit for tomorrow.

Over the Weekend

If I were not a complete lunatic, I would have made use of the holiday weekend by oh -I don't know - getting out of the house. But, as it were and as it was, it was raining and there was no motivation on my part to do much more than watch bad TV in my Ugg boots and sweats. My girlfriends invited me to go to Boston with them, but quite frankly, my mind is starting to mess with me and I thought that the fact that I'm completely preoccupied with this John thing would have ruined their time. Plus, I don't have money to go blow in Boston. The money situation doesn't help my mental one at all.

So, what's the John thing? That's a good question. There really isn't a John thing. We went out last Thursday, it was great. He said he'd be gone over the weekend, but still I was kind of hoping he'd call me or text me before he left. Maybe even during, just to say hi. The John thing though - that's something I've created in my head. I tend to do this.

My thoughts (admittedly psychotic ones), were thus:

-Isn't a boyfriend supposed to be in contact on a regular basis?
-Well, maybe he's not in contact with me because he doesn't consider me his girlfriend.
-I'm not good enough.
-Self, shut up. You're driving yourself crazy. [Note the contempt in my head]
-How can you expect him to commit to you after 1 and 1/2 dates? Someone would have to be insane to make such an important decision after so little time...But then again, I would do it, so I guess I am insane.
-Okay, nobody knows that I'm having these thoughts besides me. As long as I don't show him I'm freaking out, he'll never know. Maybe he can sense it though. How could he not?
-Maybe he wants to call me, but he's not doing it because he's playing games.
-But guys are cooler than that. If they want to call, they just do it.
-He could be totally into me and not want to freak me out. No.
-I wonder if he's hooking up with other girls?
-Is he even thinking about me?
-He's definitely not sitting around doing this.

And there were tons of other thoughts similar to these. All raving mad thoughts, which I've convinced myself are normal; convinced myself that all girls share the same anxieties. Except that mine are like a conversation between two people and that can't be normal. It's as if I have a rational side and an irrational side that constantly argue with one another. Somehow the irrational side always wins though.

I know a lot of you read this blog because I talk about the mental complexities that go along with my condition, so sorry that I don't have much to report about that today. I just needed to vent. I feel better now that I'm back at work. This fact, above anything else I've mentioned, speaks volumes about my current state because I hate my job. Hate, in fact, is an understatement. The thing that's bugging me the worst right now is that I know my happiness is dependent on his call. I have to figure out how to get to that point on my own. Now that I've put this down on "paper," I am starting to feel a little better. I guess what they say is true: Admitting that you have a problem is the first part to solving it. Or, something like that...

Date Night: Recap

It was an interesting night. John and I ended up doing my favorite kind of date: dinner and a movie. I finally got to see Little Miss sunshine, which I've been hearing about all summer, but haven't managed to see. I'm not one to go to movies by myself, and my dating schedule has been light, to say the least, so, yeah, I didn't see it until last night.

But can I now join the rest of the world in saying, LOVED IT! It's really just such a heartwarming movie. The little girl is soooo adorable. And the dysfunctional characters are so special. Don't you think me and my little "quirk of nature" totally fit in with that movie? I may use Little Miss Sunshine as a nickname.

So John and I went to dinner around 7. A little Thai place, I forget the name at the moment. It was really delicious though, I will find it out so I can recommend it. The food was very spicy , both John and I were sweating and we ended up pulling up a chair for the water-guy so he didn't have to keep going back-and-forth. I love spicy food though, so it was all good.

After the movie we went out to get a couple drinks. One thing I like about the dinner-and-movie is that it takes up an evening without a need for alcohol. Dinner, movie, and a night out drinking is a bit much for a weeknight, so there's a built-in opt-out clause that allows you to preserve your sobriety (and therefore your integrity). Considering the last time we went out I did everything you're not supposed to do if you're a self-respecting woman, I definitely wanted to present my more modest side today. I let John know that I had to get up early for the early call-center shift today, so there would be no nightcaps.

All in all, the night went well. Interesting conversation. But you can never really tell until the next couple days, when you either hear from him, or you don't. John's going away this weekend (also wise of me not to give provide anymore sordid sex tales for him to share with his friends in the Hamptons, don't you think?), so maybe he'll send a text or something today or over the weekend. But I don't really expect to hear from him until next week.

Some friends of mine have been talking about getting out of town this weekend, so hopefully I'll have some things to distract me. We shall see.

Double Vagina = Double "First Date" Chastity Belt

So tonight's my first real "date" night with John, but the usual pre-date giddiness is tempered by this weird sense of dread. As you may recall we had, er, "relations" on the first encounter (a bar hook-up). Normally first-date sex is hazardous to any potential relationship, but in my case (that being, the double vagina case) it's certain suicide. Not only does he have to deal with the commitment-phobe guy bullshit ("Oh no! Now I have a girlfriend! Run for the hills!"), he's also got to come to terms with this unique, 2-for-1 situation. This is when I get really self-conscious. I put myself in his shoes, and can't help but think he'll end up finding it creepy. On the other hand, if he really likes it, maybe he's just doing it (or them rather) for the novelty. Arg!

What I really want is for him to like me for me, not for the sex and definitely not for the bearded twins. I suppose tonight I'll have to reverse the "She fucks on the first date" stigma, even though I know it's completely useless. Guys are hip to that game, and once the floodgates are open there is no turning back (look at my water metaphors at work!) So...I'm puttin' up a new levee. The double chastity belt's going on. If this thing has any chance to go anywhere, I've got to be good. Wish me luck...

Box Set on Playboy Radio!

Heather from DirtySpoke.com has been very supportive of my double vaginas and has not only written about it, but has discussed Box Set on her guest stint on Playboy Radio Morning Show!

Thanks, Heather!

You can listen to the clip here.

I highly suggest that you listen to it, because you can hear for yourself the different ways men would react to my coozies, including taking a picture with a cameraphone and running for the door, suggesting that I have a warning bell on the fly of my pants, and soliciting women like me for experimental sex. Oh, and they called me a whore for letting John do me in both. Which is really just fantastic. THIS is what I have been dealing with-- although I know that thus far, I've just been meeting the wrong guys. I highly doubt that Playboy Radio hosts are models of tolerance and sensitivity.

Fake flower

A few of you have been wondering if I ever ended up getting together with "John", the guy from last week who had been to no man's land(s). After a lengthy phone call with my sister (who only has one vagina, before you all ask. And yes, she is jealous), it was decided that he was decent enough that I could give him a shot at a sober-ish date, and feel out his motives. I once asked a guy friend in college if he would ever fuck a girl with two vaginas, just to say he did, and he said that if she were attractive enough, he would, but once he'd done it once or twice, he wouldn't keep doing it again just for the sake of it- she'd either have to be hot and/or he'd have to be dating her. At first that seemed like exactly what I DIDN'T want to hear, but dear sister pointed out that there are a lot worse reasons a guy would fuck a girl once just to say he did, such as "She had A vagina". It's a good point, and I've decided to let John take me out for drinks (I said sober-ISH) on Wednesday. I figured, who needs the pressure of a weekend date when they've already got this hanging over their heads?

However, I've been thinking- as the girl in the Esquire article points out, both of these babies are functional. I have had sex in both (though not often in the smaller one), so it's not an issue of being a half-virgin or anything, but most guys don't know this, leaving me in the unique position of being able to claim to be both a virgin (sexy) and not (also sexy). I've never been much one for leading guys on, but if I like a guy, then it might be cool for him to think that he's the first one to, ahem, take the maidenhead of the smaller one. I mean, how often do guys get to take a girl's virginity without having to deal with the stigma of being the guy who took a girl's virginity, and the inevitable ensuing drama? It's really only just occurred to me to try and pull this off, and I might not even do it (depends on how much I like any future guys, or how much I think they'd like it), but it's definitely an idea, and one that only I and a few others could pull off....