Box Set

The life and musings of a single girl with two vaginas.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

This Set Is Worth The Wait

Sorry for the disappearance.

I've enjoyed people being so interested in "my situation," but putting "your situation" out there like that, especially when "that situation" is such an intimate and personal thing also provides reason for pause. So I did. Now I'm back.

Now that's over with, here's a little levity to lighten the mood. Did you know my two ladies downstairs can talk to each other? Here's a bit I overheard this morning:

V1 – hey, you up yet?
V2 – yeah, kind of, still a little groggy
V1 – I guess I could rest a little more also. Long night last night.
V2 – I'll say.
V1 – Hey, it looks like there's something on your lip…
V2 – really?
V1 – yeah
V2 – I'll try and have her rub it in an hour or so. I'm going back to sleep.
V1 - ok

and ... scene

Hey, I didn't say they were the most electrifying conversationalists, but they pass the time, and at least they're not as earnest as NPR. And I love them.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Relief... sort of

John called! Yay!

All of my freaking out was for nothing. Sort of. We have a date tomorrow night, which although it quiets one set of irrational worries, will probably start me freaking out for other stupid reasons (What do I wear? Do I have sex with him? In one hole? In both? Do I start teaching him tricks on how to get me off in both va-jay-jays?) I know I may sound like a complete neurotic, but I'm not, really. This is the outlet for all of my thoughts, I'm much more with it in real life.

Many of you commented on the fact that I am too attached to this guy after 1 and 1/2 dates. It's possible that I am. It's also a fact that he's the first guy who's kept calling in a while. It's easier not to put all your eggs in one basket (or, two baskets, if you're me) if you're dating/seeing multiple people. But I'm not. At least not yet.

In other news, I have decided to quit my job. I'll be giving notice on Monday. I have some money saved up, and worse comes to worse I have some bartending experience under my belt from my college days that I can put to use. I need to take some time off to think about what I want to do with my life aside from answering phones and writing about my genitals, and sitting at a desk being miserable is not going to help me find the answer. I was thinking about taking some time off to travel, maybe use some of my savings to buy a used car and spend some time driving around to different cities, visiting my friends... or maybe I can go to Europe and be a backpacker for a while. I never did that in college (or ever, really) and part of me thinks that I need to get out and experience the world so that I can more fully discover who I am aside from a girl with a vaginal septum.

I was thinking about what I said in my last post about my happiness being dependent on whether or not John called, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that basing your happiness on whether or not some guy calls is a pathetic way to go through life. I know that I'll never attract a guy who will love me for me if I can't be happy on my own-- whether or not the guy calls or I'm in a relationship. Sure, it's nice to have someone in your life, but when it comes down to it, you are the only person that you can count on for sure.

And now, to plan my outfit for tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Over the Weekend

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If I were not a complete lunatic, I would have made use of the holiday weekend by oh -I don't know - getting out of the house. But, as it were and as it was, it was raining and there was no motivation on my part to do much more than watch bad TV in my Ugg boots and sweats. My girlfriends invited me to go to Boston with them, but quite frankly, my mind is starting to mess with me and I thought that the fact that I'm completely preoccupied with this John thing would have ruined their time. Plus, I don't have money to go blow in Boston. The money situation doesn't help my mental one at all.

So, what's the John thing? That's a good question. There really isn't a John thing. We went out last Thursday, it was great. He said he'd be gone over the weekend, but still I was kind of hoping he'd call me or text me before he left. Maybe even during, just to say hi. The John thing though - that's something I've created in my head. I tend to do this.

My thoughts (admittedly psychotic ones), were thus:

-Isn't a boyfriend supposed to be in contact on a regular basis?
-Well, maybe he's not in contact with me because he doesn't consider me his girlfriend.
-I'm not good enough.
-Self, shut up. You're driving yourself crazy. [Note the contempt in my head]
-How can you expect him to commit to you after 1 and 1/2 dates? Someone would have to be insane to make such an important decision after so little time...But then again, I would do it, so I guess I am insane.
-Okay, nobody knows that I'm having these thoughts besides me. As long as I don't show him I'm freaking out, he'll never know. Maybe he can sense it though. How could he not?
-Maybe he wants to call me, but he's not doing it because he's playing games.
-But guys are cooler than that. If they want to call, they just do it.
-He could be totally into me and not want to freak me out. No.
-I wonder if he's hooking up with other girls?
-Is he even thinking about me?
-He's definitely not sitting around doing this.

And there were tons of other thoughts similar to these. All raving mad thoughts, which I've convinced myself are normal; convinced myself that all girls share the same anxieties. Except that mine are like a conversation between two people and that can't be normal. It's as if I have a rational side and an irrational side that constantly argue with one another. Somehow the irrational side always wins though.

I know a lot of you read this blog because I talk about the mental complexities that go along with my condition, so sorry that I don't have much to report about that today. I just needed to vent. I feel better now that I'm back at work. This fact, above anything else I've mentioned, speaks volumes about my current state because I hate my job. Hate, in fact, is an understatement. The thing that's bugging me the worst right now is that I know my happiness is dependent on his call. I have to figure out how to get to that point on my own. Now that I've put this down on "paper," I am starting to feel a little better. I guess what they say is true: Admitting that you have a problem is the first part to solving it. Or, something like that...